Refections on disappointments at 50.

As I sit and recover from yesterday’s bathroom demo, I’m enjoying a cup of coffee and reflecting on life.  Today I’ve done something I haven’t done in a long time.  I opened the blinds in the dining room.  It brings in so much sunlight.  And my mood is so improved.  As exhausted as I am it makes me want to knock out the part of a wall in the living room and install another window (oops….just got up to get some coffee, scratch that knocking out the wall comment….need to be able to raise my arms again before doing something like that!) for more light.

We’ve (my hubby and I) have gotten in the habit of sitting in the living room with only the light from the TV or our computers and doing nothing.  I should realize that light makes everything look different.  Not just my house, but my life.  I’m looking at all aspects of my life and seeing things that need to change.  It’s kind of overwhelming.  Some of the things I think need changing are a little scary.  Some are downright frightening.  I can’t believe I’m contemplating some of them at 50!!  Which makes me look back at the decisions that brought me to this point.

I have very few decisions that I regret.  I do have some tendencies that i wish I did not.  I am a horrible procrastinator!  That is one trait i wish I did not possess.  Does anyone have any suggestions on how to overcome procrastination?  (Please share those in the comments no…..don’t wait till later!)  At this point in my life, procrastination has compounded some things.  And any decision I make in some areas is going to be a compromise for me.  At 50 I thought I’d be smarter than this!!!  (What the heck happened??)

As I’ve typed and consumed yet another cup of coffee in the sunlight, (I just opened the drapes over the sliding glass door letting in more light) I’ve realized that I can sit here and reflect on the past choices or I can get up and look to the future.  I have keep putting light on things.  So I’m going to have to keep opening the blinds and curtains.  Seeing all the dust bunnies, clutter and stacks of chaos that have become my life, in the sunlight of each new day and make a decision on what I’m going to do with each day.  I can’t rely on anyone to make me happy or take care of my issues but me.

They say 50 is the new 30….I hope that’s true, because I’m not ready to turn into a frumpy old lady yet!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *